Dieting tips from the anorexic chick.

Dear Dieters,

Let me start out by saying that I don't know what it's like to be fat in this society.  Obviously I'm fairly thin, so I don't have to deal with the social shaming and judgment that goes on based solely on weight. I can buy inexpensive, cute, clothes pretty much anywhere I go.  I'm not bragging.  I'm saying that I've never been in your shoes, and I imagine it sucks on a pretty regular basis.  People are mean and they probably treat you differently than they treat me, and that's not cool.  In fact, its downright wrong.  

But. . . There's always a but, right?  But here's the thing guys:  I DO know that being skinny doesn't fix it.  It doesn't fix anything (except maybe the clothes thing).  I've been thin my whole adult life, and I still feel judged for my body.  I'm not happier.  I'm not sexier.  I'm just smaller.  That's all you'll be when/if you lose weight.

A few things most people don't know about me:

At my worst I weighed 30 lbs less than I do now.  I wore a size 0.  I was nothing and I felt like it too.  

At my best I weighed 15 lbs more than I do now. I wore a size 6.  It was the best summer of my life, and I never really thought about my weight.  

I don't often talk about numbers, because they aren't really important.  Plus, saying that the biggest I've ever been is a size 6 pretty much enrages any person bigger than me, every time.  Which is pretty stupid if you ask me.  I don't mean to be that way, it just so happens that I got all of my Grandma's tiny french genes and none of my grandfather's gigantic Norwegian ones (or any of the massive German genes on the other side of my family).  The point is, comparing yourself to me is stupid.  Yeah, I said it and I mean it.  You're being stupid.  We're different people.  You're Greek or German or Polish or or or. . . You're body is shaped differently than mine.  It just is.  It's different from everyone's body, ever.  It always will be.

Oh, let's not forget the fact that periodically I become such an emotional mess that I don't eat. Like, at all. For weeks at a time.  So, you know.  That's super healthy :o\

The point is, being skinny never made me happy. It made society look at me in a more positive light, but not once did it ever actually make my life better.

Recovery did though, and through that process, something I've been doing for 12 years now, I have learned a few things that I don't think most people are ever taught.  I'd like to share them with the world, not just the people with eating disorders.

So here it is, my dieting advice:

1. Fat is a body part, not a shape.

Saying, "I'm fat," is reducing yourself to a type of cell.  You are certainly more than how many fat cells you have on your body.  

Also, in recovery a big thing is recognizing what you really mean when you call yourself fat.  Here are some common translations:

"I'm overwhelmed."

"I'm anxious."

"I don't feel good about myself."

"I'm having a bad day."

"I feel out of control."

"I'm bloated." (No, seriously.  Being bloated and being fat are different. I only figured that out a few years ago.)

So next time you think or say, "Ugh!  I'm so fat!"  Step back and figure out what that really means.  This can help identify if you are an emotional eater, and if so help you actually face your feelings instead of using food to hide them. 

2. Fad diets are always a bad idea

In fact, dieting at all is a bad idea.  Sure, you'll lose weight and that will feel really satisfying.  It will.  But it's not a good idea.  Dieting assumes that it will only last for a limited amount of time (when you get to your dream weight) and that you'll be able to go right on back to your old eating habits when you're done.  

Uh. . . Do you know how bodies work?  Because that ^ sure isn't going to keep you skinny (or more importantly healthy).  It's just not.

My recommendation?  Keep a food diary while you're not dieting.  Write how much of each thing you eat and how often.  Do this for a week.  Now comes the part that you won't like (or will like even less than the food journal).  Go back and compare your portion sizes and type of food to what a full. nutritious diet looks like.  I can pretty much guess that you're eating portions that are too big and you're probably eating a lot of sugar and fat.  There's nothing wrong with those things, but moderation is key.  Learn about portion sizes.  Experiment with it.  What foods fill you up longest?  What foods make you feel icky after you eat them? Everyone is different and its going to take time for you to figure out what you need. Take the time to listen to your body.  This leads right into. . .

3. Be patient and kind to yourself, don't focus on your weight

You will not undo years of eating habits over night.  It's not possible and that's ok, I promise.  If you keep at it, eventually you'll find balance between the foods you love that aren't really healthful (donuts!) and the foods that make you feel good and fill you with energy (bananas and peanut butter!).  The thing that's most important is to figure out how to eat mindfully with nutrition at the forefront of your mind, not how heavy you are.  

Once you develop eating habits that are satisfying and healthy, your body will change on its own.  

4. You are already beautiful

What if instead of constantly belittling yourself, comparing yourself, and starving yourself, you focused instead on how awesome you are?  

Because you are.  You are awesome. 

I know it, your friends know it, and somewhere deep inside I think you know it too. No matter how big your ass is or what size dress you wear, you are the best.  Seriously.  

Consciously find beauty in your parts.  Your inside parts and your outside ones.  Don't wait to be your "ideal weight" to love on yourself.  Because, I mean, what if your ideal weight never comes?  Are you going to die never living happily in the skin you're in?  That sounds extra shitty to me, especially because I know how awesome you are. 

5. Find other things to talk about

Talking about bodies, especially in relation to weight, with a group of women is often the worst.   It turns into this downward spiral of body hate.  It feeds the demon in each of us to want to lose more, be less.  

You know what? You are so much more interesting than your diet or how much your thighs rub together.  I'd rather hear about what new interesting bands you've heard lately or what shows your watching on Netflix.  I want to hear about your job, your love life, your new shoes.  I want to hear about your hopes and dreams for the future and I want to reminisce about the past.  I want to hear funny stories and sad stories.  I want to get to know you better.  I seriously doubt telling me how much weight you've lost and how much more you want to lose and how you're going to do it will teach me, or anyone else, anything about you as a person. 

You are so much more valuable than what size pants you wear.  Who knows, maybe the more you talk about other things the happier you'll be.

So there.  That's what I have to say for now.   I have nothing but love for all of you, and hope that you'll find it in yourself to love you as much as I do <3