T-Bex the Mighty

It is a fact of life in this business that there are going to be busy, hard days.  Some of those days are unpredictable, some we can see in advance. We do our best to plan but you know how it goes, best laid plans, and all.  No matter the case,  the stress, pressure, and constant movement can take their toll both physically and emotionally. I know, I’ve had nervous breakdowns from them. On more than one occasion I was tempted to walk out and never look back .  It was overwhelming, and I wanted someone to come help.  In fact, I would get furiously angry that no one was helping me.   I felt like someone had to be at fault, that there had to be a simple solution, and someone out there was responsible for that idea and was clearly withholding it from me because they hated me and hoped I failed.  Of course, those were all lies my mind was telling me.  I was tired, my body was on the verge of falling apart, and no one was coming to my rescue. ...

The other day, I made a decision.  For me, it was revolutionary and completely terrifying.  It is in regards to how I handle having an eating disorder and how I talk about it.  You see, for the most part, I didn't.  Not out loud, in person, to people I love. Almost never do I tell them what it's really like for me on a day to day basis. So, I made the decision to talk about it.   I can write about eating disorders until my fingers fall off.  But looking someone in the eyes and saying, "Eating is hard for me.  Every day.  All the time.  Not just when things are bad or I'm stressed out, just all the time."  Felt like a social death sentence.  What would my friends think of me when I suddenly put them face to face with the darkest, hardest to swallow, piece of me?  Especially when like, 80% of my friends are fat?  Would it sound like a humble brag?  Would they think that instead of my real reality, which is ...

I have always seen myself as an agent of change. When I was younger, high school aged, I came up with a theory about it. I decided I was an imaginary friend.  I would pop in and out of peoples lives as they needed me.  For a long time I felt this way.  It was almost as if I didn't exist until I was called upon by some unnameable force and I would enter the life of someone in need. It wasn't always a trauma that they needed me for.  There was plenty of that parents, breakups, extreme mental breakdowns.  I was there through them all.  These things, though they were dramatic and exciting, were not the bread and butter of my powers though.  What I believed the Universe used me for, as an imaginary friend, was to propel people forward down their own path.  I wouldn't have been able to put into those words at the time, but it sums it up nicely. I encouraged my friends to do the silly, weird, creative shit they wanted to do.  It seemed that...

I had an interesting experience today. I went with my boss to her business coach meeting.  I've been to his office once before, so I was vaguely familiar with where the necessities are.  By necessities I mean bathrooms.  I knew where the bathrooms were.  Being someone who drinks tons of fluids every day, and who has an issue with her bladder (don't get grossed out, its just a fact of my physiology) I excused myself before the meeting to use the toilet.   The building his office is in houses several other small to medium businesses, and they share a public bathroom.  Its the kind you find in malls across America, except maybe two to ten billion times cleaner.  Today, for whatever reason, laying innocuously on the floor at the farthest end in front of the handicap stall, was a scale. I think for most people they'd see it and think, "Why is there a scale in a public restroom?"  Which is actually pretty much exactly what my boss said when ...