I don't bother with the politics, but it is personal
This is not organized. I'm running on emotion, not critical thought. I just watched This is What Love in Action Looks Like on Netflix, which is pretty much designed to pull at heartstrings. Sufficed to say, they have been pulled and I need to word vomit.
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I need to say something. Queerness is ok. We're all a little bit queer. Please, don't be mad at yourself for being queer. Don't hate on others for being queer. Being queer is not a sin. It is not something that you can "fix." Being queer does not mean you're broken. Being queer does not make you evil. You are not deviant. Being queer is not shameful.
Stop.
Please, just stop.
It hurts me to the deepest part of my being, because, quite frankly my queerness is an essential part of who I am and I cannot, and will not, change it.
Its ok to be who you are.
It is ok to be uncomfortable about it, its ingrained in our society, our "god" hates it, so how can you be comfortable with it? Try? For me? As a personal favor? Because. . . its so scary. My life could have been so much more scary. Until I figured out who I am, I could not love myself. If I had followed the path I was born on, I would hate every inch of my person. I may be part of that 30% of all completed suicides related to sexual identity.
Thirty Percent. That, my friends, is fucked up. I have no other words to describe how sick it makes me feel.
I stay out of the gay activist community. I don't like the backlash that has for me as a person, with my family and my own ethics.
The activist community has some things wrong, they don't always think critically about what they're saying.
I'm fairly certain the church I was brought up in never thinks critically about it.
I recently went to a loving family event. . . I almost walked out. I almost threw up in the church during the ceremony. I was sick. I was judged. I was the slime on the bottom of the church's shoes.
My beautiful, queer husband was there keeping me grounded, helping me focus on what I was there for. Not the church. Never the church. The church thinks its justified in its disgust. No, I was there for my family. It just was lucky enough to love and choose someone who happens to have an attached penis to spend the rest of my life with and he was there being outraged in all the ways I had to hide for my family, and it kept my ass in my seat.
Speaking of my weird husband, I love him. He is supportive in every way, and he loves me in all my queer glory. But. . . I love others. I always will. Its another way in which I am queer.
Only those closest to me really know the true extent of my queerness, advertising it would get me ostracized from a lot of social situations. Plus, I honestly don't like to define myself because my queerness is fluid, so why be "out" to the whole world when it constantly changes. They have no need to know what happens in my mind, or my heart. The world isn't that important.
I am different. There are a lot of people different from me. I love that. I love the beauty of differences. That's a reason I don't involve myself in the politics, the politics are as narrow minded as any church. My queerness doesn't fit that box. Never will, and I love that.
What I came here to say, what I DO need the world to know, is that you are perfect just the way you are. Society, your church, your family, any number of groups will shame you. They will feel ashamed for you. Stand strong. Get away. Stay away. You are beautiful and perfect just as you are, and you are loved. I will love you if you don't think anyone else does. I will show you where to find others who live their lives through love. We exist, and we are so happy to love you.
Can I also say, I know for a fact that "hate" is often the wrong word for people who don't like queerness. It is rather judgment, shaming, and other psychologically abusive things.
I also believe I am very lucky to have a loving family, even if they don't like who I am. But lets face it, don't like who they are. I disagree with almost everything they stand for and its infuriating sometimes, so I imagine they feel similarly as I do. But we all love each other very much. I will never change, and neither will they, so that's going to have to be good enough.
I also, before its too late, need to say that queerness is so much more than Gay or Straight. Bi or. . . Or whatever other labels we have. It is more and I haven't got the thought process to discuss it correctly right now, because I'm emotional. That will have to be saved for another day.
********************************************************************************
I need to say something. Queerness is ok. We're all a little bit queer. Please, don't be mad at yourself for being queer. Don't hate on others for being queer. Being queer is not a sin. It is not something that you can "fix." Being queer does not mean you're broken. Being queer does not make you evil. You are not deviant. Being queer is not shameful.
Stop.
Please, just stop.
It hurts me to the deepest part of my being, because, quite frankly my queerness is an essential part of who I am and I cannot, and will not, change it.
Its ok to be who you are.
It is ok to be uncomfortable about it, its ingrained in our society, our "god" hates it, so how can you be comfortable with it? Try? For me? As a personal favor? Because. . . its so scary. My life could have been so much more scary. Until I figured out who I am, I could not love myself. If I had followed the path I was born on, I would hate every inch of my person. I may be part of that 30% of all completed suicides related to sexual identity.
Thirty Percent. That, my friends, is fucked up. I have no other words to describe how sick it makes me feel.
I stay out of the gay activist community. I don't like the backlash that has for me as a person, with my family and my own ethics.
The activist community has some things wrong, they don't always think critically about what they're saying.
I'm fairly certain the church I was brought up in never thinks critically about it.
I recently went to a loving family event. . . I almost walked out. I almost threw up in the church during the ceremony. I was sick. I was judged. I was the slime on the bottom of the church's shoes.
My beautiful, queer husband was there keeping me grounded, helping me focus on what I was there for. Not the church. Never the church. The church thinks its justified in its disgust. No, I was there for my family. It just was lucky enough to love and choose someone who happens to have an attached penis to spend the rest of my life with and he was there being outraged in all the ways I had to hide for my family, and it kept my ass in my seat.
Speaking of my weird husband, I love him. He is supportive in every way, and he loves me in all my queer glory. But. . . I love others. I always will. Its another way in which I am queer.
Only those closest to me really know the true extent of my queerness, advertising it would get me ostracized from a lot of social situations. Plus, I honestly don't like to define myself because my queerness is fluid, so why be "out" to the whole world when it constantly changes. They have no need to know what happens in my mind, or my heart. The world isn't that important.
I am different. There are a lot of people different from me. I love that. I love the beauty of differences. That's a reason I don't involve myself in the politics, the politics are as narrow minded as any church. My queerness doesn't fit that box. Never will, and I love that.
What I came here to say, what I DO need the world to know, is that you are perfect just the way you are. Society, your church, your family, any number of groups will shame you. They will feel ashamed for you. Stand strong. Get away. Stay away. You are beautiful and perfect just as you are, and you are loved. I will love you if you don't think anyone else does. I will show you where to find others who live their lives through love. We exist, and we are so happy to love you.
Can I also say, I know for a fact that "hate" is often the wrong word for people who don't like queerness. It is rather judgment, shaming, and other psychologically abusive things.
I also believe I am very lucky to have a loving family, even if they don't like who I am. But lets face it, don't like who they are. I disagree with almost everything they stand for and its infuriating sometimes, so I imagine they feel similarly as I do. But we all love each other very much. I will never change, and neither will they, so that's going to have to be good enough.
I also, before its too late, need to say that queerness is so much more than Gay or Straight. Bi or. . . Or whatever other labels we have. It is more and I haven't got the thought process to discuss it correctly right now, because I'm emotional. That will have to be saved for another day.
If I can be a little gay sometimes, everyone can.
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